WDNBAN? A Home for the Holidays

Today's What's Dish Network Blogging About Now? features "a completely different sort of entertainment show" which was CBS' A Home for the Holidays. As described by DNB (Dish Network Blogger), this special featured a ton of "moving" musical performances by Ricky Martin, Melissa Etheridge, Maroon 5, Nelly, and Katy Perry. So far this just sounds like your average holiday/charity concert, or an awards show featuring musical performances (spolier alert: it is!). There truly seems to be nothing "completely different" about this program at all. Other "performers" included Sharon Osbourne, Julie Chen, Sara Gilbert, Holly Robinson Peete, Mira Sorvino, Maria Jaret Winokur, and Leah Remini. What any of these people did to be referred to as "performers" for this program is beyond me, because I honestly don't care enough to try and watch and/or read anything else about the special. I really don't want anything to spoil this impression that the DNB has set for me. I like it better this way. Apparently inspirational stories of American families and foster care adoption were also featured during the program (aka the whole point of it all). So, it was just another sappy holiday show meant to make everyone who already feels bad about themselves feel even more terrible for feeling so selfish when they really "have it good" compared to these poor folks. You know exactly what I am talking about!

Anyways, aren't you glad you missed the December 22nd airing of this program? If you happened to watch it, I apologize for not warning you about it beforehand. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.*

*I just re-read this post, and I swear I'm not as cold-hearted as I sound. I just think this DNB is rather entertaining.

Now all we have to do is just sit and wait...

I understand why CNNmoney is telling us that gas prices are expected to rise to $5 a gallon soon-ish, when, though, depends on who you ask (because the American people must remain informed!). One guy says by 2012, a couple of others say by the next decade. Everything else mentioned in the article is actually just kind of boring. All this stuff on how gas prices are rising and that there's this large American demand for oil. Nothing new, folks. We know our oil situation is pretty fucked and unstable. We've known this for years, and it has been particularly obvious within the past decade, so why not tell us something new for once? There is no need to scare us by telling us gas prices will rise to $5 maybe in a year and a half, or maybe in eight years. What good does that do me now? I mean, think about it... what do they expect me to do, just sit around and wait for the $5/gallon gas prices? I'm already paying over $3 a gallon, and relatively close to $4, depending on where I am, so now I have something even more excited to look forward to, right? Yeah, not really. So, thanks CNNmoney for giving me great hope for the new year. Seasons greetings to you too, assholes.

{via CNNmoney & Fark}

Pet Peeve #4: The their, there, they're conundrum

That's right, this isn't just a pet peeve of my own, but it is a worldwide (read: American) conundrum. For realzies, though. A lot of people have some kind of incapability to properly use the appropriate there/their/they're. I find this irritating and devastating at the same time. It's such a fundamental part of the English language-- something taught so early on-- that this mistake should not exist. If people actually thought about what they're writing before mindlessly spilling their thoughts then there would not be this problem.

Did you catch that last sentence? Did you see how I properly used there/their/they're in one sentence? Well, if not. Go ahead and re-read it. Absorb it. Live it. Love it.

They're= They are. As in, They're going to the movies. (They are going to the movies)

Their= possessive. As in, Those are their apples. (They own/possess the apples)

There= in or at that place. As in, The couch is over there. (Look dumbass, the couch is next to the table)

Exclusive: Twitter defies the laws of mathematics

I suppose twitter was having some problems earlier today, when I went to my page and saw this:

The only photoshopping done to this screenshot is my red markings. I swear it told me I was following negative twenty-three (-23) people. How is that even possible? Does that mean that I was deliberately not following twenty-three (23) people? You know, making a really big effort to completely ignore twenty-three (23) people. I'm definitely going to make sure that I have no idea what the hell those twenty-three (23) people are doing today!

Christmas Surprise (shhh. it's a surprise)

Christmas is supposed to be a time of giving and sharing. We're supposed to be selfless and merry. It's tough, I know, but it's just that time of the year. You just have to buckle down and be happy. Share in the spirit. Share in the good times. You know... everything like that.

In honor of such spirit, I decided to share something with all of you.

(I know, I know. I shouldn't have. But I just couldn't help myself)

This something is not tangible, so don't get your hopes up on receiving some really awesome thing because if you do, it's probably not from me*. (I will, of course, have no problem taking the credit, though) Well. Okay. Back to the point, I suppose. I don't even know how I was going to segue into what it is I am sharing, because I did a really poor, unrelated intro, and now I've kind of just typed myself into a corner. I know it's pretty easy to just delete everything said above and start from scratch, but you know what? It really isn't that easy because then I'll have to think of something else to say. And then I'll probably get distracted and forget the post altogether, and then you may never get to experience this. And that would be a Christmas tragedy, and no one wants that, now do they? Well, I didn't think so!

Anyways, I think I was going to somehow relate the art of the mash-up with the Christmas spirit. Something along the lines of how the music is being shared, or some nonsense that I was going to bullshit. Anyways, I spent all of my Christmas Eve day (read: a few hours) listening to Christmas mash-ups. Good ones, bad ones, really horrendously terrible ones. You, see, I'm not a particular fan of Christmas music. It just doesn't really do anything for me, and I find a good majority of the slow, serious, solemn songs to be downright boring. So, this task was actually a bit tougher for me than say for Santa or one of his elves. I imagine if they got to listen to Christmas mash-ups all day long that they would probably appreciate it- I bet that's what the elves listen to when they're making the toys because it keeps them in the Christmas Spirit, but pumps them up with some funky beats. It's the best of both worlds for all those North Polians.

In no particular order, I most enjoyed these five Christmas mash-ups.

1. Voicedude- Fuck You Santa (Cee Lo Green vs. Jackson 5)

Listen to and download the unedited version here.

2. Mojochronic- Rudolph (You Don't Have to Put on the Red Light) (The Police vs. The Derric Johnson Vocal Orchestra)

Download it here.

3. Voicedude- Black Door or White Santa (Clarence Carter vs. Michael Jackson)

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Listen here.

4. King of Pants- Alala Falala Hasselhoff (David Hasselhoff vs. CSS)

Download here.

5. DJ Zack Darling- Santa Mash! (This is a 56:46 minute mix. think Girl Talk meets Christmas)

Listen and download here.

**A very special honorable mention goes out to Panch (aka Mo' Burr), who mixed this really awesome 17:15 minute Christmas mashup. It's fun, but laidback-- just like Panch.

You can listen to and download Panch, Mo's Mostly 'Decent' Christmas right here. To be honest, if I had heard this yesterday/last night when I was finishing up the post, I probably would have inserted it into the top 5. I'm just very honestly being lazy, and don't feel like having to choose which one goes. So, in all fairness to its later discovery, the mix gets an honorable mention instead of a top 5 spot, though they should be treated as one in the same.

If you enjoyed these mixes, and want to hear some others, click here. Oh whoops. I meant for you to actually click HERE. There's even some songs in there for my fellow tribe members, if you catch my drift. If you're looking for an easy mix to play without having to sort through the garbage, I do recommend just going for the Very Bootie Christmas mixes because they're pretty solid as a whole.

*I am not Oprah.

⁺The amount of times that I heard young Michael Jackson sing "Saaaaanta Claus is coming to town" makes me never want to hear that song ever ever ever again. Way overused in these mash-ups. It seriously just keeps playing itself over and over throughout the imaginarium (what i call my brain/mind/psyche collective).

Happy Xmas

love always,

tgd

What's Dish Network Blogging About Now?

I somehow came upon the great fortune of discovering the Dish Network Blog. This is some seriously outsourced shit. No joke, my friends. It's like reading internet translations. Naturally, this has become my new favorite blog. I hate football, but I read every football game post with vigor that the Dish Network blogger writes. There will be strings of fluency here and there, but for the most part, the blog posts consistently contain sentences, phrases, whole ideas that do not make any sense. In addition, much of the content is poorly worded. I imagine that editing is not in their budget.

On a daily (or as often as I manage to) basis, I will feature some of the more enjoyable blog posts from Dish Network's Blog.

Tonight we're going to start with this entry from December 16th, which attempts to persuade its readers that the San Francisco 49ers vs. San Diego Chargers football game is going to be super exciting. However, I often get the feeling that the writer is a robot or computer of some sort. You know, one devoid of emotion.

While this article is not particularly painful to read, there are a bunch of mistakes that could have easily been avoided if the posts were edited, or even read over just once. Seriously, elementary mistakes, my dear Watson.

• As both the teams are fairly banged up to look their horns on tonight’s game, it is expected to be full of excitement.
  I'm sorry what was that you were trying to say? "look their horns?" I mean, I'm not dense, I do actually get the message the writer is trying to convey, but that shouldn't be my job, that should be the DNB writer's. I'm also not even convinced on the excitement factor of which the writer speaks. There wasn't even an explanation point to show emotion!
• If we analyze the strengths of both the sides, if seems that Chargers are a bit favorite in San Francisco 49ers vs San Diego Chargers game, but you never what’s in store at the end.
  Hmmm. I don't even think I need to comment on this one. Super sloppy work, Rajib.
• However, if you miss it by any chance, as a DISH Network subscriber, you have the opportunity to use your DISH DVR to record the game, which you can watch later at your convenient time.
  Hey guys what time is it? It's your convenient time! Guess that means I should watch that 49ers/Chargers game now.